triple
by envysparkler
Summary: Uchiha Sasuke does not do well with kids. He never has. Ever. Or, the multiple times Sasuke fantasized sticking a sword through Naruto's smirking face. – Sasuke-centric.


**a/n:** Because I really wanted to stick Sasuke with a genin team. Happy holidays, everyone! Also, a reminder: I do take prompts/requests. If I have not filled your prompt or request, please send it again.

 **dedication:** To multiple fanfic writers who continuously inspire me with their stories.

 **disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

 **summary:** Uchiha Sasuke does not do well with kids. He never has. Ever. Or, the multiple times Sasuke fantasized sticking a sword through Naruto's smirking face. – Sasuke-centric.

* * *

 **triple**

* * *

Sasuke very barely resisted the urge to unsheathe Kusanagi. Very barely. His hand was already tightened around the hilt and if the blond rambling on didn't know how very close his ANBU Commander was to stabbing him…

There was another hand curling around his, an inhuman grip crushing his fingers and forcing him away from his sword. Sakura took her place at his side and smiled at him sweetly, proceeding to crush his fingers even further.

Sasuke made a low strangled sound and Sakura's smile tightened before she let go. They both turned in unison to face their Hokage, who was blissfully oblivious to the drama in front of him.

"A new generation!" Naruto proclaimed, flailing his hands, "A new era in the world of shinobi!" Sasuke rather hastily tuned him out again and cast a side glance to Sakura, who seemed much more sympathetic to his plight now. She winced and cast a glance at Kusanagi herself before shaking her head and disappearing.

Sasuke did the same.

"And we leave it to the teachers to proudly mold the –" Naruto stopped mid-speech to stare at his empty office, "Sasuke? Sakura? Guys, where are you? Guys?"

* * *

Sasuke looked at the three snot-nosed brats facing him and resisted the urge to bang his hand against a wall. Or perhaps go mutter snide comments at Sakura until she did it for him.

"My name is Reiya Hikaru," piped up one snot-nosed brat. To be fair, they weren't snot-nosed, but they were all definitely brats. "My dream is to master all the ninjutsu in the world." Orochimaru had the same dream, Sasuke mused, and look where he ended up.

"My name is Watanabe Kagami," the girl said, sounding exactly like Ino at her age – arrogant and entitled, "My dream is to become the best kunoichi in the world." It was a good thing that the girl _looked_ nothing like Sakura – she had dark hair and dark eyes – because Sasuke was already having flashbacks.

"My name is Akiyama Saru!" the last one said – no, shouted, punching a fist in the air, "My dream is to become Hokage!"

No. Sasuke had an abrupt vision of a twelve-year-old Naruto grinning up at him with that same determined smile. Oh, gods, no. Sasuke's fingers closed around Kusanagi's hilt and closed his eyes.

This was going to be terrible.

* * *

He was so, so utterly wrong. It wasn't just terrible, it was life-stealing, soul-shatteringly _dreadful_. They were so much worse than any Team Seven that had ever come before them – and that was saying something, considering that Namikaze Minato, Hyuuga Hizashi and Uchiha Mikoto had once been on the same team.

Sasuke surveyed his team as the alarm rang, signaling the end of the test. All three were glowering at him. Hikaru was covered head-to-toe in mud, Kagami was drenched and Saru still had tears in his eyes. The two bells were still tying Sasuke's hair into a ponytail, jingling with every step.

"You all fail," Sasuke muttered irritably and ended up tying all three of them to the poles and eating the lunch in front of them with great relish.

Unfortunately, it seemed like they could work together. They managed to get themselves untied by helping each other and Sasuke had to pass them after all. He relayed this news to Naruto, who gave him such a shit-eating grin that only the timely intervention of Konohamaru stopped Sasuke from driving his sword to the hilt into Naruto's stomach.

* * *

"Your mission," Sasuke said, reading the scroll with great amusement, "Is to catch the Daimyo's wife's cat, Tora." That demon cat _had_ to be a summons. There was no way it survived this long. Sasuke had a theory that the demon cat was just a way to train baby genin into tracking and capturing elusive and violent prey.

Kagami held the cat at arm's length and affixed it with a stern glare. The cat yowled and tried to swipe back. Hikaru was cursing as he rubbed the scratches that decorated his body and Saru peered over the other boy's shoulder, ducking every time the cat hissed.

Sasuke, hidden in a nearby tree, shook with silent laughter. If anyone else saw the ANBU Commander perched on a branch, laughing so hard that he nearly fell off, they would think he was mad.

"She kind of reminds me of Sensei," Kagami mused. Tora stopped hissing and affixed the girl with a curious look.

"Are you crazy?" Hikaru said, looking around for him. Sasuke had a multitude of ways to hide from genin eyes, though, and merely shifted on the branch. "You want Sensei to come swooping in here all passive-aggressive and assign us two days of training with Lee-sensei?"

He did not _swoop_. Sasuke glared indignantly at the trio of genin below him. And he was not passive-aggressive, either. As for training with Lee, that was starting to sound like a good idea.

"Please," Kagami rolled her eyes, "He's a total softie. Like Tora-chan," she smiled at the demon cat, who blinked in surprise at the thought that it was anything but evil. "Didn't you see him with Hokage-sama? He had this small smile on his face even though he was calling him 'dobe' and everything."

Sasuke was frozen to the spot with horror. He…he was not _soft_. He wasn't smiling at Naruto, he was smirking! He was…he was…

He was going to go and assassinate Naruto. Maybe then people would start taking him seriously again. He used to be feared by _nukenin_ , now even his own genin thought he was soft.

Growling softly, Sasuke withdrew into the foliage. Training with Lee was too good for these brats.

"Guys, do you feel something strange?" Saru said, peering around them in suspicion.

"Yeah," Hikaru agreed, rubbing the back of his neck, "It feels like something's really bad is going to happen."

"Pessimists," Kagami shook her head and tucked the cat under her arm, heading back to the Mission Assignment Desk. Tora just meowed.

* * *

"You want me to train your genin?" Sakura said flatly. It wasn't a question, no matter how she phrased it.

"I feel like they would benefit from your wisdom and experience," Sasuke said diplomatically, his Sharingan tracking the movements of her hands. He'd caught Sakura at a bad time, judging by the dark circles under her eyes, and one word out of place and the marketplace would never be the same again.

"Oh?" Sakura arched an eyebrow, "So I have wisdom and experience, do I now?"

"When have I ever said that you haven't?" Sasuke replied, affronted. He went out of his way not to antagonize Sakura. The pink-haired medic was downright _vicious_ and if he had a choice between facing her wrath and battling Kyuubi, he'd chose the Kyuubi every time.

Even a personification of hate had nothing on a vindictive kunoichi.

"I do hope that you're not trying to foist your responsibility off on me, Sasuke," Sakura said shortly, putting a hand on her hip. That was not good – it was the exact same thing Tsunade used to do before punching Naruto out of her office. "I'm far too busy to take on a genin team, as I already explained to Naruto."

No, Naruto just liked Sakura more than he liked his poor ANBU Commander, which Sasuke thought was blatant favoritism.

"Of course not," Sasuke hastily backtracked, "Just one training session. I promise I'll make it up to you."

Sakura eyed him for another moment, "A week's stay at the hot springs and the promise that Konohamaru and his merry band of perverts aren't going to be anywhere near me."

"Done."

* * *

"You're getting a _girl_ to teach us?" Hikaru said with disgust. Saru was silent but Kagami punched him on the arm. Ouch. Sasuke mentally winced as he looked over to Sakura. His teammate looked calm, but she was pulling on black gloves.

"This is my former teammate, Haruno Sakura-san. I expect that you'll treat her with respect," Sasuke said, but it was a light admonishment. After all, Sakura could take care of herself. "I'll see you at three."

Sasuke hightailed it out of there before the first tree came crashing down. Hearing faint screams, he smirked. On a whim, he changed direction to the Hokage Tower.

"Sasuke," Naruto said, surprised. He glanced at the clock, "Shouldn't you be training your team? Please tell me you're not following in Kakashi's footsteps."

Now _that_ was an idea. Sasuke imagined the looks of rage and consternation on his brats' faces if he showed up three hours late. Perhaps he could make them wake up at the crack of dawn, too.

"No, I gave them to Sakura for the day."

"Sasuke, I've repeatedly told you this," Naruto sighed, "You can't just push your genin off on someone else. I'm sure Lee appreciates the three new victims he's got, and Kiba says that the pups like playing with kids, and Ino loves psyching out baby genin, but still. You can't –" A strange look crossed over Naruto's face. "Did you say Sakura?"

"Yes," Sasuke replied, enjoying the look of horror on Naruto's face. A distant crash sounded in the distance and Naruto rubbed his temples.

"You do realize that she's been waiting to take her frustrations out on someone for the past week?" Naruto asked before groaning, "Of course you did, you were the one who pissed her off in the first place."

Sasuke remained stoic and aloof, not responding to his Hokage's outrageous accusations.

"Why would you do this to your kids, Sasuke, _why_?"

"If they have such a soft sensei," Sasuke shrugged, "Then it would benefit them to learn from someone a lot tougher." He sat down and started rifling through Naruto's paperwork, waiting until the man got irritated enough to kick him out of his office.

Sasuke was bound to follow his Hokage's orders, but 'get out' could be taken in a variety of ways.

* * *

His team was full of orphans. Sasuke didn't even know why he was surprised – he was a traitor and an Uchiha. No sane person would trust him with a child, let alone three. But if they had to, better if they all were parentless children who no one would miss if Sasuke lost his mind again.

Sasuke wouldn't. The madness hadn't crept back since Madara died and Sasuke knew that he could trace it all back to him, the Mangekyo, the Uchiha coup, the curse of their red eyes. Sasuke was a loyal, obedient shinobi of the Leaf – loyal because he chose, but obedient because he _had_ to be – and he was hurt by the thought that Naruto didn't trust him at least this much.

This time, Sasuke seriously considered sticking a sword through Naruto's back.

* * *

"That was your _teammate_?" Hikaru asked, shaking. There were bruises all over his arms and both of his eyes were open wide. It looked like Sakura had refrained from putting his genin in the hospital. Pity. Sasuke would've enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Kagami and Saru didn't fare much better. Kagami's normally neat hair was sticking all over the place and Saru had two black eyes. Both of them were favoring Sasuke with the same wild-eyed look.

"Yes," Sasuke replied calmly.

"How did you survive your genin team?" Hikaru breathed out. This was a question Sasuke had been trying to answer for a long time – an answer he still couldn't figure out.

"The Hokage was also on my genin team," Sasuke reminded them, before turning towards the Mission Assignment Desk, "I think a C-rank mission would be a nice change today."

His three little brats groaned.

* * *

"Are you mad at me, Sasuke?" Naruto asked shrewdly. Sasuke stepped out of the shadows, inwardly cursing his teammate's perception.

"Hn," he said, reverting to the monosyllabic answer he always defaulted on. It was the eve of his team's first C-rank and Sasuke wanted answers.

"Is this about Sakura again, because no, I do not know where she got that photo from, and this is just as embarrassing for me as it is for you!" Naruto steadily built up another rant, "Hinata won't even look me in the eye anymore and Shikamaru keeps laughing every time he sees my face and –"

"Why did you give me a genin team?"

"…What?" Naruto asked, his voice dropping back down to a normal pitch. He wasn't looking Sasuke in the eye.

"Why did you give me a genin team?" Sasuke repeated patiently.

Naruto shuffled a few papers, clearly stalling, before finally looking up. "You have to figure that out for yourself, Sasuke," Naruto said.

"It can't be because you trust me," Sasuke continued, clutching the Hokage desk and leaning closer until he could see the hint of red around Naruto's blue eyes, "Because I still have to obey every command you give me."

"I do trust you, Sasuke," Naruto sighed, "It's just to be safe that –"

"They're all orphans," Sasuke cut his Hokage off.

"I'm sorry?"

"Don't play dumb, Naruto, it doesn't suit you," Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "If you trust me so much, why did you give me a team of orphans?"

"Oh my god, Sasuke, this is ridiculous," Naruto stood up, "I gave you a genin team, not a time bomb! Stop reading so much into it – almost everyone's an orphan, nowadays." He gestured irritably to the window, "Now get out – and don't leave the village!" he hastily tacked on at the end, "Don't think I don't know how you subvert half my orders!"

Sasuke gave him a one-fingered salute before leaping out, and a cry of 'Bastard!' followed him into the night.

* * *

The C-rank mission was predictably boring – an out-of-town mission as safe as it could be. It was a mission solely designed to boost the egos of baby genin. They had to guard a road to nowhere against imaginary opponents.

Of course, the road remained empty during their one-week vigil, and the fearsome samurai ghosts that their mission scroll referred to had never showed up. Sasuke wondered why Konoha still let people submit mission requests when drunk.

"This is a C-rank?" Hikaru said, disgusted, as they began to walk back to Konoha, "Then what are S-ranks? Border patrol?"

Kagami rolled her eyes, "Use a little sense, Hikaru. This is a C-rank just because it takes place outside the village. We can't be so lucky every time." He knew there was a reason that Kagami was his favorite.

"Lucky?" Saru said, disbelieving, "This was the worst mission ever. How can I become Hokage if I get stuck with uncool missions?" He sounded so much like Naruto that Sasuke was tempted to ask the idiot if he'd left any bastards before setting out to war.

Sasuke walked calmly, black eyes watching his team as they bickered amongst themselves. He wasn't fond of them. He _wasn't_. It was just that the three brats were a constant source of amusement. That was all.

He thought back to Naruto's cryptic words and briefly closed his eyes. He really wanted to let Kusanagi out to play. Let the dobe try to give him vague answers while choking on his own blood.

Unfortunately, it would have to wait. While the road was still empty, their opponents were no longer imaginary.

* * *

"Well, well, if it isn't Uchiha Sasuke, infamous Avenger and the Hokage's personal pet."

"We've been looking for you for a while now, Uchiha- _sama_."

"Too bad the Hokage doesn't let you out of the village – tight leash, huh?"

"Look at this, boys! The Uchiha's got some kids!"

"Forgive me, but they don't look like yours."

"You're wanted alive, Uchiha, so I suggest coming quietly. Or these three cute little genin are going to bite the dust."

.

.

.

" _Amaterasu._ "

* * *

He gathered up three warm, shaking bodies and squeezed them tightly. He wasn't hugging them because Uchiha Sasuke did not hug people. He was just checking them for injuries. That was it.

"Sensei, you can let us go now."

There was blood on Kagami's hair and Sasuke was momentarily alarmed, before remembering that she had decapitated the bounty hunter that Sasuke's black flames had missed. He squeezed them tighter.

"Sensei…getting a bit difficult to breathe."

Saru was abnormally quiet, though. Was he injured? The Sharingan swirled as Sasuke thought back to the events. He shouldn't be injured. Kagami and Hikaru had attacked the only bounty hunter that Amaterasu did not catch. Or did they? Had there been another enemy that Sasuke had missed?

"Sensei? Sensei, we're fine."

And what about Hikaru? The boy liked mouthing off far too much. What if the enemy nin had taken offense to the insults he'd been spouting and managed to get an attack in when Sasuke wasn't watching?

"See, I told you he's a big softie."

Sasuke finally roused himself at that accusation. "Am not," he muttered, his face still buried in Kagami's hair. Saru was squirming and Hikaru was running through a list of jutsu that could get him to release them.

Sasuke mentally scoffed. As if the little brats thought they could escape the grasp of Konoha's ANBU Commander.

"Sasuke-sensei, you can really let us go now," Kagami said again, her voice soft, "We're fine."

"Hn," Sasuke muttered. They might've been fine _now_ , but what about when the next group of missing nin burst through the trees? The thought alarmed him and he looked up quickly, Sharingan spinning, to make sure there were no other enemies converging.

"That was so cool, though!" Saru piped up, "Those shinobi came but you didn't even look surprised, sensei!" Sasuke had certainly _felt_ surprised. "And they were taunting you but you were so silent and calm and then they were on _fire_!" Saru made the appropriate sound effects. "And then Hikaru attacked the other shinobi and Kagami sliced his head off which was _really awesome_."

Kagami beamed and Hikaru started arguing, "What are you talking about, my part was cooler!"

"Shut up, smartass! He said _I_ was the most awesome!"

"I attacked him first! It was only because of me that you were able to get that shot in the first place!"

"Guys, calm down, you're both equally awesome!"

" _What_?" Kagami screeched, "You just said I was better!"

Sasuke let go of them before he got an elbow to the face. His three precious genin dissolved into a shouting match.

Sasuke sighed. "You will all be training with Lee for a _week_ ," Sasuke said with finality, and started back on the path.

"What?"

"Sen _-sei_!"

"That's not fair, I didn't do anything!"

"Make that a month," Sasuke changed his mind and continued walking, a small smile on his face as his genin continued protesting.

* * *

 **fin**

* * *

 **a/n:** I was halfway through writing this when I realized that Sasuke's constant thoughts about stabbing Naruto sounded very…dirty.


End file.
